"Cooking is like love. It should be entered into with abandon or not at all."

this is my first blog as an official college graduate! WOOT, I MADE IT! it was a long four years, but one of the best experiences i could have ever hoped for. i met so many new people, was immersed in so many different situations, and learned things in and out of the classroom that i will carry with me for the rest of my life. i had never had so much freedom in my entire life and at first it was a huge adjustment, learning what to do and what not to do based on MY instincts rather than what my parents felt was appropriate for me to be doing. some of my decisions backfired, but i dont regret them because in the end they all taught me lessons that i needed to learn. in particular, i learned a lot about relationships, from watching drama unfold between couples around me, as well as from my own personal interactions. this year was one of the most interesting in terms of my personal life. i had always assumed that i would meet the man of my dreams in college. but, going in to my final year of college, i had told myself i wasnt going to create any big expectations for myself, i would take life as it came and just embrace every moment. and somehow, i managed to stumble across a guy that i shared a lot of fun times with and grew attached to. we essentially acted like a couple without a title, but it all kinda collapsed when i realized i was a little more invested in it than he was. which hurt, cause he was the closest thing ive ever had to a boyfriend in my life. but, i dont regret any of it. he was funny and sweet and made me realize how great it can feel to have someone in your life that you can just be yourself with and that can make you feel special when noone else can. i then went on to another guy, who was probably a better guy overall than the last. we were friends beforehand, which can make the transition from platonic to romantic complicated, but it oddly wasnt as difficult as i had thought. we had a great date, but things went down, and in the end we decided it'd probably be best to back away for a bit. i had kinda entered into it lightly and still guarded from the backlash of how things had worked out with the last guy, which wasnt fair to him because he really cared and wanted to make the relationship work out. for a few days, part of me wondered if there was something wrong with me, one minute im hoping a relationship will get stronger, and then i find someone who cares about me and WANTS to have that close relationship and i back away. and i wondered if maybe a little bit of me is afraid of being in a serious relationship because ive never been in one, but i realized i dont think i am. i feel like at some point, ill find someone that i connect with so strongly that i will WANT to take that risk with and plunge into the unknown. so in the mean time, im cleaning the slate. im going to leave those two situations behind before they have a chance to get any more complicated and im going to keep going on having great times with my friends, and searching for a job. seeing so many friends getting married, and being the last person in my family to not be married will probably eventually get me down, im not going to lie. but right now i refuse to let myself mope like so many people ive talked to are. when you're meant to find your special someone, you'll find them! dont settle just because you want to be on par with everyone else, say no to peer pressure! haha.