♫ all the girls pose the same for pictures, all the boys got the same girls hair, i am bored cause i feel much older ♫

lets see, i havent written since august. here's a couple highlights:



- went to salisbury, had an absolutely amazing time

- got a boyfriend

- broke up with a boyfriend

- drove outside the glen burnie radius (CRAZY! )

- caught up with many many friends (bonfires, movie nights, punkin chunkin, dinners, etc)

- went to DC for the first time

- katie had her baby, absolutely BEAUTIFUL baby angelina

- joe (well TINA) had her baby, also beautiful pre-mie baby abby

- joined a gym



im sure there are other things that have happened, i just cant think of it right now. haha. at any rate, its been a pretty fun couple of months. gotta say though, its funny how much the arrival of all these babies is changing the family dynamic. it didnt fully hit me til the ravens game the other day, where we would normally have like 8 people tailgating with us, but, as people have to stay home to be with their babies, it was down to only 3 of us! im so happy that my siblings are having healthy little girls, but at the same time its a little sad because ive waited so long to be a part of their grown-up world and get to drink and be silly with them, and now theyre all starting to get past that stage. i feel like im still in that adjustment period from college, where part of me still wants to go out and party every week, and at the same time A- i cant, B- i get tired of the same old thing every time. i do miss the party atmosphere of salisbury bars though, there was no sitting around being bored, you drank, you danced, you laughed til you cried and then you did it all over again the next week! most of all, i miss having my friends around me on such a constant basis. im lucky if i hang out with a friend once a week now a days! hopefully i will be able to start seeing them more, cause i miss the positive energy they bring into my life.

♫ just for tonight darling, lets get lost ♫

over two months since good ol graduation. not a whole lot has changed surprisingly enough. haha. i have a part-time job at a sam's club optical center, still applying for jobs elsewhere, but at least the job is paying the bills and i actually like the people im working with majority of the time. cant ask for too much more than that! in terms of love life, still single for now, but oddly ok with it. i FINALLY GOT MY LICENSE! WOOT! which i must say was one of the best times ever. it was one of those moments ive been anticipating since i was old enough to comprehend a license was required to drive one of these metal, music boxes on wheels, so to finally have one was beyond monumental to me!! i also have a new CAR! its a blue, sportyish mazda 3, so cute! im currently driving my dad's blue van while i get used to driving on my own, and so that in the event of a crash, im not wrecking a brand new car, haha. then within a few weeks ill be switching to the new car, and hopefully by then my parents will also be letting me drive alone outside of the glen burnie radius! hmmm, only other big news since i last wrote is that i found out my sister mandy is PREGNANT! 5 MONTHS PREGNANT! i was so shocked when i heard that all i could do was cry, it was literally like id been slammed by a freight train! so out of nowhere! but i am beyond thrilled for her and joe, they are going to make great parents, and so are my sister katie and trudo, and my brother joe and tina! theres gonna be so many babies running around this christmas! cant wait! i feel like i should be joining in on this baby train somehow, but i am not quiteeee ready yet, haha, but im so happy theyve all reached the point in their lives where they are ready and can afford to bring their beautiful little baby girls into the world! anywho, thats all for now, i got work in the morning. who would have thunk id be exhausted by 11pm on a monday???

"Cooking is like love. It should be entered into with abandon or not at all."

this is my first blog as an official college graduate! WOOT, I MADE IT! it was a long four years, but one of the best experiences i could have ever hoped for. i met so many new people, was immersed in so many different situations, and learned things in and out of the classroom that i will carry with me for the rest of my life. i had never had so much freedom in my entire life and at first it was a huge adjustment, learning what to do and what not to do based on MY instincts rather than what my parents felt was appropriate for me to be doing. some of my decisions backfired, but i dont regret them because in the end they all taught me lessons that i needed to learn. in particular, i learned a lot about relationships, from watching drama unfold between couples around me, as well as from my own personal interactions. this year was one of the most interesting in terms of my personal life. i had always assumed that i would meet the man of my dreams in college. but, going in to my final year of college, i had told myself i wasnt going to create any big expectations for myself, i would take life as it came and just embrace every moment. and somehow, i managed to stumble across a guy that i shared a lot of fun times with and grew attached to. we essentially acted like a couple without a title, but it all kinda collapsed when i realized i was a little more invested in it than he was. which hurt, cause he was the closest thing ive ever had to a boyfriend in my life. but, i dont regret any of it. he was funny and sweet and made me realize how great it can feel to have someone in your life that you can just be yourself with and that can make you feel special when noone else can. i then went on to another guy, who was probably a better guy overall than the last. we were friends beforehand, which can make the transition from platonic to romantic complicated, but it oddly wasnt as difficult as i had thought. we had a great date, but things went down, and in the end we decided it'd probably be best to back away for a bit. i had kinda entered into it lightly and still guarded from the backlash of how things had worked out with the last guy, which wasnt fair to him because he really cared and wanted to make the relationship work out. for a few days, part of me wondered if there was something wrong with me, one minute im hoping a relationship will get stronger, and then i find someone who cares about me and WANTS to have that close relationship and i back away. and i wondered if maybe a little bit of me is afraid of being in a serious relationship because ive never been in one, but i realized i dont think i am. i feel like at some point, ill find someone that i connect with so strongly that i will WANT to take that risk with and plunge into the unknown. so in the mean time, im cleaning the slate. im going to leave those two situations behind before they have a chance to get any more complicated and im going to keep going on having great times with my friends, and searching for a job. seeing so many friends getting married, and being the last person in my family to not be married will probably eventually get me down, im not going to lie. but right now i refuse to let myself mope like so many people ive talked to are. when you're meant to find your special someone, you'll find them! dont settle just because you want to be on par with everyone else, say no to peer pressure! haha.

RANT TIME!

i am almost done my last week of undergraduate classes. ever. this week would have been rough for me regardless, as the entire 'you're going in to the real world' realization actually set in, but on top of that i was plagued with an enormous workload which left me more stressed and frazzled than i have probably ever been at college thus far. despite the stress, i think i have made it through all of my classes relatively well, or at least i hope so! but the icing on the cake of this STELLAR (*soaked with SARCASM*) week was finding out today that i got a buttload of overdraft fees. i have NEVER overdrafted in my life, or at least not officially (i almost did once, but got money in the bank before it could register i had overdrafted). the worst part of it: I DIDNT ACTUALLY OVERDRAFT. i called my bank call center and explained to them that this whole thing was not physically possible because i have been monitoring my account like a hawk the entire last two weeks because i knew i was down to my last 50 bucks. as of monday morning, my available balance was at 29 bucks (with adjustments made for transactions still being processed), i bought photo paper for a total of 24 bucks... therefore leaving 5 bucks on my account. yet somehow as of today my bank account log says that i had overdrafted before that moment. NOT POSSIBLE. i explained that to the dude, who refunded me the max amount that he was allowed to from the call center ($78) and said if i wanted to challenge the rest of the fees ($27) i would have to go to a bank branch. which i fully intend to do because ill be damned if im charged for things i didnt do!!!!! ROAR! anyways, so that was fully frustrating. they better refund me that, because if i have to explain to my father that i was charged overdraft fees, he will bite my head off and not even care that it wasnt my fault. aghh. it has been a long week. thats not to say there weren't some bright moments in there too, but im just ready for this week to be over.

all hail the heartbreaker

“I was born with an enormous need for affection, and a terrible need to give it.” -Audrey Hepburn

Good ol Audrey. I felt the need to address a topic that kind of feeds off ideas like hers, which is individuals' constant need for affection. I'm not going to lie, this line suits me quite well, I love when people are affectionate to me, and love to share my affection with others. But, I think the problem comes with people who are incapable of living thier life without a relationship. Several of my friends are what you would call the 'serial daters' ... they thrive off being in a relationship, and in fact couldn't survive without one. They go from one relationship to the next, without even giving themselves times to recover. I mean, to each their own, but it seems to me that jumping through a series of essentially rebound relationships will not lead anywhere meaningful in the long haul. After breaking up with someone, especially after being together so long, I feel like people need to take a step back and just learn how to be themselves/on their own again. Most people that enter a relationship end up losing parts of themselves due to the adaptive evolution of themselves within the relationship. So, I think for the sake of self-preservation, people need to slow down. Take the time to be alone and figure out what YOU want to do as opposed to what WE have to do. BASICALLY: Don't let the overwhelming sense of loneliness and self-esteem insecurities push you into a pointless relationship. K? K!

Feel free to comment :)

a little rant!!

hi, ok, soooooo, im seriously getting really annoyed with people in this apartment complaining about how noone does the dishes or noone cleans the living room. if you have a problem with it, CLEAN IT YOURSELF! when the dishes pileup, it can be a little annoying, but i still just clean them anyway when i have time, instead of being immature and sorting dishes out by who used them. learning how to live with other people involves a little give and take, and it really irritates me when people have to make a big deal out of something stupid like that. raghh! GROW UP!!

the streets of love...

earlier this week, i had the extreme displeasure of watching one of my friends get dumped by her boyfriend. the worst of it was that she didnt see it coming. completely blindsided. the last weekend they had spent together hadn't exactly gone perfectly, but she just figured they just had things they needed to talk about and work through to make their relationship stronger. ive never seen anyone so entirely crushed. it was heartbreaking to watch. she trusted a guy with all of her heart, and when it came right down to it, he didn't return the feelings. it made me particularly aware of the large amount of strength it takes to enter in to a relationship. i mean, how do you know who is worth taking that chance on? you may start off perfect, happy, butterflies abound from the excitement of it all, but when it all comes down to it, how long til one of you loses the motivation to make it work? entering in to a relationship is allowing yourself to let the walls down and become completely vulnerable, and trusting the other person to not make you regret it. ive had my share of disappointments, but i hope i never have to experience the pain i saw on my friend's face.